“The spiritual message is we lose our lives in pleasing others; We become a people pleaser. if you’re the good child who pleases Mommy and Daddy but internalizes anger, you’re setting yourself up for disease: -Bernie Siegel
That’s why you need to cure your soul/mind of people pleaser syndrome.
I think most of us would be surprised to find that we go to great lengths to please people around us. We will all constantly deny it, stating that we are independent and can think for ourselves. Still, at the end of the day, the sad truth is that even the most intelligent and headstrong members of society can fall into the trap of being a people pleaser.
People Pleaser Personality Disorder
Being a people pleaser, not only affect your peace and happiness but it starts affecting your job, business, and other worldly affairs. I know, when I was a chronic people pleaser, I always prioritize my daily schedule wrongly. And I didn’t do it deliberately but subconsciously. I used to make my schedule to please people and not to suit the interest of my business. This is how you degrade yourself in your world affairs. Once I came out of the people pleaser syndrome, immediately my business skyrocketed to a different level.
What causes People Pleaser Syndrome?
Have you ever thought about how you become a people pleaser? Mostly your brain is conditioned to this people-pleasing decease during your childhood. Many parents subconsciously impose on their children that it is their duty to please mom and dad within the family. Instead of creating the flower of love in the hearts of small kids, they come out with the disciplinarian attitude that kids should please them. I have seen in many families where they encourage children to please any successful relative or an influential friend. And I don’t understand why?
How People Pleaser Syndrome Affects You:
It affects you in several ways subconsciously without you being aware of it. It brings down your self-esteem. When somebody uses harsh words against you, you do not know how to react and start groping for words. It happens because you have forgotten how to react based on facts. You always think about how to please others.
Another point is that you don’t make great friends because of your people-pleasing habits. People anyway realize that you are trying to flatter them. They might show a smiling gesture, but they are fully aware that whatever you speak is not coming from your heart.
It starts affecting your productivity daily because you don’t want to say “No” to anything and pretend to agree on everything that others say.
Experiment today. Start counting how many times you use the word “Sorry.” You will be surprised that unknowingly you have become used to apologizing even if you don’t have to.
All these facts affect your productivity, self-esteem, efficiency, and above all, your happiness and peace.
How To Return To Your Normal Self?
I’m not saying that it is bad not to go out of our way to help someone. But I believe we must have a strong sense of personal identity before we mindlessly follow somebody else’s demands. So next time someone asks you for help, ask yourself if you are doing it out of fear, or pleasing him? Or else, if you really want to do it because you will be happy once you do this. You should never do anything to make somebody happy unless you yourself gain anything out of it. And that anything can be really anything. It may be financial profit, your happiness, your spiritual fulfillment, or any dam thing. Stick to your gut and don’t deviate from your values. Follow this, and you will always find yourself with spiritual and worldly abundance.
So, self-love is the answer. Start loving yourself. Then only, you can start loving others, start loving life, start loving nature and finally fall in love with our universe.
I have made a very short video on “How to stop being a people pleaser” on YouTube. Let me know if you like it.
Also, watch this man who talks about self-esteem and the fear of disapproval.